I finished at 9 pm on Thursday. Was I tired? No. I was exhausted! I
was mentally drained and internally frustrated by my lack of knowledge
and slow pace. Nevertheless, I had a combination of feelings that were
in the middle between punching someone in the face and patting myself on
the back. I felt like an old lady who finished last on a marathon but
was still happy that, despite her age and poor physical conditioning,
was able to cross the line after sunset.
I happen to be a person who's very sensitive to criticism, but I try my best to channel the negative energy that comes out of it into proving to myself that I'm better than that. So, after being discouraged by my lack of knowledge and experience in body CT, I channeled that discouragement into doing more of it. After two days, just two days I was overwhelmed. But still, it's a bittersweet overwhelming feeling, because I know deep down, that it's for my own good and it will build a better me on a personal and professional level.
On the other hand, I have also been criticized for putting too much effort, and for being too hard on myself. I've been told that I will regret this. But I keep imagining myself ten years from now, and all I can see is anything BUT regret. I often question if they're right, but how I feel after a long tiring but productive day, always proves them wrong. When you're driven by passion and purpose, nothing can stop you. I mean it's not like you can say: 'Hey there passion and purpose, please slow down, I got other things to do'. Things just happen, and you find yourself poring gallons of time and effort into the thing you love the most. So no matter how much people will dislike my crazy efforts and random, yet constructed desicions, I don't think right now is a time to change them.
The thing is, that during your first year of radiology, or any other new specialty for that matter, you find yourself in a very steep learning curve to the point that you'd think it's almost a vertical line. Unluckily for you is that, the rules of physics are not in your favor; It's very easy to fall down climbing up a hill with a slope of infinity. Can you imagine the amount of effort you'd need to climb up a vertical wall, fall down a thousand times, and climb up a thousand and one times. Effort right here is equal to infinity too then. It's not just the effort though; it's being immune to discouragement, because at times, you will feel belittled, discouraged and useless. The good news is: the farther down the road you get, the easier it becomes, and the more naturally it comes (or at least that's what they say). You just have to endure the first few steps outside of your comfort zone, and then you'll be free: free to be great at last! ;)
I happen to be a person who's very sensitive to criticism, but I try my best to channel the negative energy that comes out of it into proving to myself that I'm better than that. So, after being discouraged by my lack of knowledge and experience in body CT, I channeled that discouragement into doing more of it. After two days, just two days I was overwhelmed. But still, it's a bittersweet overwhelming feeling, because I know deep down, that it's for my own good and it will build a better me on a personal and professional level.
On the other hand, I have also been criticized for putting too much effort, and for being too hard on myself. I've been told that I will regret this. But I keep imagining myself ten years from now, and all I can see is anything BUT regret. I often question if they're right, but how I feel after a long tiring but productive day, always proves them wrong. When you're driven by passion and purpose, nothing can stop you. I mean it's not like you can say: 'Hey there passion and purpose, please slow down, I got other things to do'. Things just happen, and you find yourself poring gallons of time and effort into the thing you love the most. So no matter how much people will dislike my crazy efforts and random, yet constructed desicions, I don't think right now is a time to change them.
The thing is, that during your first year of radiology, or any other new specialty for that matter, you find yourself in a very steep learning curve to the point that you'd think it's almost a vertical line. Unluckily for you is that, the rules of physics are not in your favor; It's very easy to fall down climbing up a hill with a slope of infinity. Can you imagine the amount of effort you'd need to climb up a vertical wall, fall down a thousand times, and climb up a thousand and one times. Effort right here is equal to infinity too then. It's not just the effort though; it's being immune to discouragement, because at times, you will feel belittled, discouraged and useless. The good news is: the farther down the road you get, the easier it becomes, and the more naturally it comes (or at least that's what they say). You just have to endure the first few steps outside of your comfort zone, and then you'll be free: free to be great at last! ;)
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